Have you ever looked at someone and thought “what a loser!”
Have you ever looked at yourself and thought the very same thing?

Having just being told by someone very close to me that they thought I was a loser has definitely made me look at things differently.
At first I was angry, pissed right the Fuck off that they would have the audacity to say that to me! I work hard, my bills are paid and I don’t live paycheck to paycheck…
But in their eyes I wasn’t going anywhere, wasn’t moving forward in life and that’s what made me stop and think.
Maybe they are right.
I am a creature of comfort, I like my little bubble the world I have created makes me feel safe I worked hard for that and the truth is…I just don’t want to screw it the Fuck up!

That right there though is what is going to stop me for ever moving ahead, my aversion to risk. So what’s a girl to do how does one change there 30 some years of thinking to allow themselves the opportunity to take that scary first step?
I honestly don’t know….but I am going to have to try and find out.

                                      Lady B

You’ve accomplished something great!

Something you have work hard to get, something you have always wanted to do and I am truly happy for you I really am.
So why does it make me so sad?
Maybe it’s because I wasn’t there to help you achieve it or perhaps it is because I am not there to enjoy the victory with you either way your happiness puts a black cloud over my world…a black shitty resentful, jealous cloud.

And now I’m sad.

                                    Lady B

Everyone needs time apart. Weather it is from their partner, family, friends, work.
I enjoy my alone time, I know everyone does to some degree but I really, really enjoy it kind of to the point where I need it.

I can usually go for a couple weeks with “normal” day to day activities. Go to work, cook supper, clean house, have drinks with friends the odd extra curricular activity and never feel the need to separate myself  from the rest of the world but then it seems to come almost out of nowhere. I feel like a caged animal that needs to recede to her cave and regenerate and refuel.

I have met other people who enjoy their alone time so I know this is not a strange phenomenon. I just wonder if they feel the same as I do, as in the activities you participate in determine when and how long you need to take for yourself?

What people would consider a “normal” lifestyle I can usually be good for 3-4 weeks before needing a recharge but if you throw in an activity that requires social interaction and personal obligation that can cut that time in half.

I should probably elaborate on what I consider “alone time”. For me it requires total solidarity (obviously) with very little interaction with the outside world no phone, no internet. I have been known to play video games as it can help me unwind, (nothing like a good RPG to help you escape reality) but mostly I sit listen to music, read and write. It’s like a cleanse a purge of all the crap that floods me every single day.

So now the question I ask…..What if more people were like me in the sense of taking time to separate themselves from there lives and look inward and refuel.
Just unplug and let their minds catch up with their bodies.

All I know is that I can be a crazy bitch sometimes but that has also made it so that I have found methods to cope so I don’t rip peoples heads off and stuff them down their throat!  So maybe, just maybe I have a little bit of insight into the situation, just saying…

Love

   Lady B

The season shifts, my mood shifts.
It gets darker, My mood gets darker.

Oh how I wish it wasn’t so simple, that I had more control over the whole situation. But I am hyper aware of my emotions and even more sensitive….

I think I need a drink!
                                                                                                          Lady B.