Nothing like a cold hard slap across the face from someone you love to put your life into perspective.
I always say the truth hurts and holy fuck does it ever, nothing like a dirty nasty sting of embarrassment to make it all sink in as well. Sometimes it just takes another person to grab and shake you to make you wake the Fuck up!
I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all myself nor did I want to let anyone down.
As I sit back and question everything I “think” I know, I am appalled by what I have become…..exactly what I hate. An arrogant, self righteous, know-it-all, snotty, BITCH!
It’s one thing to have an attitude it’s another to act like your better then everyone else. I don’t know why I have been acting this way I was certainly not raised that way, I am starting to believe I did it as a way to hide from the truth of who I am and what I have become. I am ashamed of myself, I am 30 plus years old and I have absolutely nothing to show for my life on this planet. I am the failure I have made fun of, the embarrassment I mock.
I realize I am so fucking terrified of going on my own, taking a risk and possibly failing that I have paralyzed myself with fear. I have become my own worst enemy.
Now what is one to do after such a life shattering revelation?
~Be humbled, heed the warning sign and start picking up the pieces.
Are apologies in order?
Does a person point out their ill ways and try to make amends?
Or do I just gather what’s left of my dignity and move forward on this roller coaster we call life.