You Said This Would Be Fun?

Okay so being completely honest there are two moods, stages, phases whatever you want to call them when it comes to being Bipolar.

There are also different types of Bipolar but we aren’t going to get into that right now. No right now I want to talk about the two opposites of Bipolar. Depression & Mania.
Many people will suffer from depression in their lives all varying degrees and I empathize with each and everyone of them, also with the people who care about them, love & support them through it. YEAH YOU!! Anyone that is understanding & nonjudgmental  to a person suffering from depression is a great person in my eyes.

Depression can be one of the most debilitating mental illnesses a person can suffer from and all too often is is scoffed at and minimized. I have suffered from my fair share and know that I will always have that predisposition to it but I don’t dwell on it. I try not to focus on the negative try and learn from my past experiences to help me deal with my encounters with it.

Lets get to the other side of Bipolar the side not always experienced by all people with this “gift”. Mania.
Mania is the “up” side of Bipolar the fun side! Maybe that’s not the best way to describe it… Mania is the “up” swing as depression is the “down” swing. I always struggled more with being affected by the mania side, it was always more detrimental to my life as I seemed to go right off the rails for extended periods of time usually with no awareness for those around me.

Let me explain a bit more, When I am in mania I am a blast to be with I’m not just saying that I have been told that by people close to me that have been on this wild ride with me.

But with that outgoing, free spirited persona comes the lack of inhibitions and sense of responsibility. I can go for days sometimes weeks if it goes unchecked, riding this invisible wave of energy, excitement and all around feeling of a joyfulness.
I won’t get into details of some of the escapades I have gotten myself into for two reasons. 1) I’m saving all the gory details for my book and 2) I can’t remember the rest of them HA!

After awhile this can get tiresome usually for those around me before I realize it myself. I don’t need much sleep during this time 4-5 hours Max and even then it’s more for my body then my mind. People who are unaware of what is going on with me can sometimes find me obnoxious, (I’ve been told I am just normally that way so really hard to say on that. HA!) Arrogant and just plain crazy.

I usually have a lot of fun when I am in mania, it’s like a natural high and I have thought more than once how amazing my life might be if I was able to let my moods run rampant the things I would accomplish!! But then I come back down from the wave I am riding, look around at the mess I have created and all the pieces I have to find so that I can put my life back together; that’s also about the time I see that I have not really accomplished anything of value.
I start a lot of projects and have so many wild, interesting and sometimes hard to believe stories to tell but nothing to show for all my efforts and “amazing” ideas.

I recently tried to explain all this to my boyfriend of almost 2 years who had got to experience me in my full glory, he looked skeptical but still slightly intrigued. I simply said to him reassuringly…”Don’t worry it will be fun! Promise!” 😉

Lady B

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