If I Had A Choice

The look of confusion and disapointment spreads across your face, as the words that I say fall on your ears.

The look on your face says so many things, and I can’t help but feel as though it is somehow my fault like I let all of this just happen. As if I had a choice.

The worst part is I am just as surprised as you are. I don’t see what is happening to me right away, sometimes it takes days, weeks, months to realize there is a problem.

But that doesn’t change anything for you, for you it just seems like I am pulling this out of thin air!

None of this is a choice for me. I know that is hard to understand for someone that has full cognitive ability over their mind. I am just as much on this ride as you are.

If I could flip a switch and change to make this easier for everyone, don’t you think I would? I feel bad everyday that I have to expose the people I care most about to so much uncertinty and instability. It breaks my heart.

I feel I need to apologize, as I fear the worst is yet to come.

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