Everything and yet Nothing.

I give myself to you, hoping for the best.

I give my love to you, expecting the worst.

You speak to me like no one else has, which means you can hurt me…I don’t want to be hurt.

I see the love in your eyes, but I also see the pain. I hope the pain doesn’t win.

Your fighting a war I can not see, one you won’t let me know about.

I know I can be nothing, but I can also be everything.

Please let me be everything.

    Lady. B

Slip

You ripped the flesh from my body, with deep slow digs. The blood pouring down my sides and pools at my feet.

I cling to myself trying to stop the bleeding, but it continues to flow as my heart beat weakens.

The air is hot around me, but I have a chill. I sink to my knees releasing a moan of agony.

My head feels light as the blood rushes out, I can no longer feel my legs. It’s getting harder to think straight, the fog is setting in.

I can see you clear though I can’t look away, your face burned into my mind’s eye forever haunting me.

There is nothing you can do to change this, nothing to stop what you have done. The world can see you now, for what you really are.

It is all slipping away I know it won’t be long, I feel the darkness setting in and all I can think about is I hope you slip on my blood.

My Pet

I am in a dimly lit basement with a dirt floor and dust floating in the air.

The ceiling is low with thick rough wood posts holding up the floor. There is a small window to the left of me that is the only source of light, everything has a grayish tinge to It. it looks like dawn outside.

There is a small square 2’ x 2’ cut out in the floor six feet in front of me. I look to the window and then I look back at the square, it looks like a trap door with no latch.

Suddenly the square slowly lifts up I can’t see what is causing it to lift but I am overwhelmed with fear, my chest gets tight and I can’t move and I can’t look away. I see this claw of some kind creep out towards me, reaching for me. I want to run but I can’t move, all I can do is stare and wait for it to climb out and crawl towards me.

Within seconds it rushes me, to quickly for me to get a good look at it. All I know is that it is large, aggressive predator like.

It always scares me awake, my heart pounding.

Lady. B

 

 

 

Feeling the Love.

Sometimes you just can’t listen to what everyone keeps telling you. sometimes you just have to make your own decisions.

I try not to listen to other peoples opinions of people, places or things. I like to experience things and form my own opinion. But sometimes it is hard not to let other peoples opinions dictate my own.

Some people voice their opinions as a way to guild you in the right direction, while others do it to have sway over your decision. Usually it is for their own personal gain or some other malicious intent.

Unfortunately I spent most of my live trying to keep other people happy. Giving more of myself to people than I truly should have. compromising my integrity and happiness.

I don’t want to live that way anymore, I won’t. I will live my life for myself. I will put myself and my happiness first. Some people may consider me selfish or insensitive but all I truly want is to feel whole, true to myself.

Love,

Lady B.

 

Nightmares.

I tie the nightmares together with little perfect bows, draping them around my mind trying to make it look pretty. My soul a flickering light always waning dangerously close to going out.

The nightmares are a road map through the tangled web that is my phyche. It doesn’t matter how pretty I tie the bows, or how elegantly I drap and place them the nightmares are still haunting.

Always creeping in settling places they don’t belong. My soul once strong and proud, is now jaded and cold. The only thing that makes it feel anymore are the nightmares.

The nightmares are starting to feel like home.

                                       Lady. B

Scares me.

The look in your eyes sent shivers down my spine. You looked deep down into my soul, you saw things no one has ever seen. But you didn’t turn away. My life, my world existed without​ you, but now I don’t see how it can. My mind constantly pulls you into it. Forcing me to acknowledge what i feel; even if it scares me. You are not what I was looking for, because I wasn’t looking for anything. The thought of you not being there petrifies me. I don’t want to think of my life without you in it, that is a loss I am just not willing to take. I don’t know why this is happening it all seems so surreal, but I am excited to see where it takes me.

I want to be with you.

First encounter.

Wow you were not what I expected. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t you. The connection was so real, so vibrant. I haven’t met anyone quite like you in a very long time. you peaked my interest, you intrigued me, you impressed me. I am beside myself with emotion and excitement! I want to just go with you, do things with you, experience life with you. You are a true..Freak like me!

Love you

I love the look in your eyes, just before we touch.

I love how you touch me, in that certain way.

I love the way your breath feels, on the back of my neck.

I love the way your skin smells, after it is all done.

I love the sensation, that was the two of us.

Lady B.

 

Running Away

Everyone needs to talk to someone at some point. We all need an opportunity to vent and let our feelings out. Not everyone can open up to their friends or family. Some of us need an unbiased open-minded, individual to be a sounding board. I try to see my sounding board at least once a month. I try to Process all my thoughts and work though as many issues as I can before they bubble over the surface. But sometimes they still manage to squeeze by, feelings that is. There have been points in my life that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone or it didn’t matter that I had spoken to anyone about how I was feeling, I still felt like shit. About me, about my situation. I have been finding myself feeling like this more and more laterly. I keep waking up, and also falling asleep with this horrible erge to run away and hide ,beacuse I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to keep it all together. I can see the cracks starting to show. I am noticing other people noticing, and I am scared. I am scared of what I might do. I have been like this a few times in my life before and it is always a rollercoaster ride and it is never, never good. I don’t know when this all started to happen ,I do know that I really need it to stop!

Don’t

Don’t stand there and act like you’re better than me. Like you are smarter than me. Don’t pretend to think you know me. You see what I let you see, you know what I let you know about me. Don’t for even one second let yourself believe that you know me, because you don’t and you never will. You are one of the many reasons I won’t allow people to know me, to see the real me. You don’t deserve to, because you think you are better then. You hold yourself in such high esteem, look down on everyone else around you. But really you are no better then the person you think so very little of. So please just don’t.