One More Time, For Those In The Back!

Well this is an all to formiliar feeling. To bad it wasn’t for you as well, maybe then it would be easier for both of us?

Yup! the look is the same no matter who is casting it a me; frustrated, confused, upset and finally one of two things: sad or mad.

Does not matter how it ends really, my response is never the right one. No by this point in the incident, I am so far gone I only make the situation worse.

And that’s what it is another incident, another reason for them to question everything, another excuse to walk away.

But that’s not fair for me to call it an “excuse” when I myself would love to have a reason to runaway. To hide from the very essence that is me.

So what do we do? What do I do? Take more meds, different meds until I feel like a fucking science experiment gone awry!

Put my body through hell and back with all the different chemicals and toxins floating in my blood. Weirdly hoping something good will come of it?

What started out as a fairy tale, is now a carnival ride gone wrong. But no one ever said this would be easy.

Hidden, But Not Forgotten.

I bet you didn’t know there was a time that I use to try and hide my Bipolar. Tried to hide my highs and lows from family, friends, co-workers and bosses. I feared the persecution of others. Truth is…I still do.

Having a mental illness is an instant stigma that is attached to you for the rest of your life. Even if you build your life to suite your needs completely, people will always know that you are different.

Now I am not discounting anyone who suffers from depression, season affectiveness or any of the milder forms of mental illness, as I believe everyone has their own cross to bare. Right now I am reaching out to a specific type, you know who you are.

The poor unfortunate souls who are given the same body and mind as others, except they don’t have full control of it. What I mean is their mind; The people who require medication to just “fit in” to be a “functioning member of society”. As hard as that is for most people to understand, it is even harder to have to live with.

Not a day goes by, that I don’t wish I didn’t have to take medication to be accepted in this world. And I know I am not the only one who feels this way.

So to all you lovely people struggling with or prospering!, just remember you are not alone and hopefully one day we will have the freedom we all truly desire.

Take You Away.

I know so little about her, yet we were once close. From a distance she seems so foreign to me, but as I get near I begin to recognize her.

She is a quiet one with a heart of gold, that you can see in her eyes. I wish I knew her better for I feel she has so much to give. The intelligence is obvious the moment she speaks a word.

She is shy but feisty with a light in her eyes I don’t even think she knows is there.

I know this girl, I was much like her even though she probably would never believe it.

A lost soul grasping for a hand to hold on to anything to keep her from drowning in her own thoughts and fears.

I can sense the fear, but I hope she stronger than it for I know one day it could take her away.

Love, Lady B.

Hopeful

She only lived to survive, there was no other reason. she had responsibilities she needed to take care of, that’s what kept her going. Every day was a struggle she didn’t know what was going to happen one day to the next. She never really knew who she could trust. She had asked so much of so many people she felt she couldn’t ask anymore.

One day it had to get easier, one day she had to get some relief. She knew she was responsible for the life she had, it was no one else’s fault but her own, she should have known better, done something sooner not fed into the deluded idea that people can change. She knew that they couldn’t, not if they didn’t want to, not if they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong.

The day will come when she will have to take a stand and it is going to be hard, it is going to hurt, and there is a very good chance that she is going to fail, but she will have to. Hopefully, he doesn’t kill her before.

 Lady B.